Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Postcards From Scout Camp

Dear Mom- Having some fun but plenty of rain. The dock is under 2” of water. Made beginner swimmer because I couldn’t do side stroke. We are going on a campout Wednesday under the stars. I am going for athletics, first aid, leatherwork, camping, hiking and pioneering. See you soon. – Tim
That pretty much summed up my week at Camp Tamarack in July 1968. It wasn’t exactly “Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah” but I am sure that the postcard from scout camp was appreciated.
As I recall, we were required to each write a postcard home on the second day of camp so that our anxious parents would get some communication before we arrived home on Sunday. Barring any medical emergencies or bear sightings, there wasn’t much to report on day number two.
For those readers unfamiliar with Boy Scout camp, the week followed a very predictable schedule. Parents and kids would haul their “stuff” down the road from the parking lot and into the campground. Open air campaign tents were neatly lined up on wooden platforms with the sides and doors rolled tightly. Before unpacking, our troop of scouts quickly changed into bathing suits and headed to the waterfront for the dreaded swimming test. Actually, only lousy swimmers like myself dreaded the swimming test. The beginner tag I earned disqualified me from most waterfront activities except rowboats which were lame by any standard.
The only thing I dreaded more than the swim test was the lake itself. The mountain lake was about 65 degrees and a murky brown color. The lake bottom was a combination of muck and weeds which worked well for the small fish but not for small fry Boy Scouts. The greatest motivation I had for passing the swim test was not letting my feet touch the lake bottom.
Because many parents lingered past dinner, our Sunday meal was usually something special like turkey. This also set the stage for turkey soup, turkey sandwiches and turkey casserole later in the week.
Campfires have always been a big part of the scout experience and camp always started and ended with a big one. The teenage counselors would build a fire that could be spotted from outer space while the campers doused themselves with insect repellent. The aroma of Off repellent and kerosene filled the air as we sang silly songs about the Titanic and meatballs.
Back at the campsite, adult leaders forced, yes forced, the scouts into the bathhouse where they were required to wash up and brush their teeth. It was probably part of some promise they made to our parents. We then carefully tied down the tent flaps which made no difference to the mosquitoes but did create a line of defense against skunks and raccoons.
Waking up at sunrise was never much of a problem early in the week. Mysterious noises from the woods and tall tales from the older scouts ensured that we would not sleep at all until later in the week when we were too tired to care.
Following a hearty breakfast of oatmeal and cold cereal we set off to attend merit badge classes. That explains the postcard’s reference to “going for athletics, first aid, etc.”
The first day’s merit badge classes were broken up with lunch and swimming lessons. Just before dinner that second night, I wrote the above mentioned postcard.
Despite the brown water, mosquitoes and sleep deprivation, I was having a great time at Camp Tamarack. It was just hard to convey that in a postcard. If only I could have texted home to say: OMG – passed swimming but cold water – LOL – CUL8R.

Wonders of the SkyMall

Ladies and gentlemen - please return your seats to their upright position, raise your trays and stow all portable devices as we begin our descent.

Those last 15 minutes or more of a flight can be long ones if you don’t have a good book. Then again, there is always SkyMall – the catalog of catalogs.


I have never actually purchased an item from SkyMall but I have spent countless hours on airplanes turning the worn pages as we began our descent.


I know that most of you have done the same thing. Maybe you finished a book or forgot a magazine or just couldn’t sleep. Whatever the reason, you found yourself lusting for electronic objects you didn’t even know existed 30 minutes earlier.


Just open SkyMall and suddenly you feel the need to buy a self feeder for your cat and stairs for your aging dog.


SkyMall, Inc. was founded in 1990 and originally offered goods from other companies' catalogs for same-day delivery to customers arriving at select U.S. airports. To accomplish the same-day delivery promise, SkyMall operated its own warehouses located on the grounds of selected airports. The company later began offering catalog merchandise to travelers flying most of the nation's air carriers and dropped the same day services in favor of a more traditional catalog approach.


The airline pocket catalog has a circulation of 20 million and is seen by approximately 88% of all domestic air passengers, according to the SkyMall website. That figures to about 650 million travelers annually which means you can sell a lot of CD towers and garden gnomes to that crowd.

Thumbing through a recent issue of SkyMall on my way to Jersey, I was once again tempted to purchase electronic objects like the hovering blimp and voice-activated R2D2 robot. I was also intrigued by the promise of medical devices that would cure my sore back, balding scalp and tired feet.


If there is one theme in this catalog; it would be objects that your spouse will find totally useless.
For example, you can now purchase a dog house shaped like the helmet of your favorite football team (Helmutt House), a remote controlled Tarantula or a pair of seats from Texas Stadium ($649). Maybe you could get your spouse to go for the $3,700 full size arcade game that houses 125 classic Atari and Capcom games!


I found the scariest items in the catalog section called Gadget Universe. For only $199 you can become your own acupuncturist. “Diagnose and heal yourself,” says the ad. Now that’s a scary thought.


The Head Spa Massager ad claims that “the patented Italian design incorporates Japanese engineering…like thousands of tiny fingers simultaneously massaging your scalp.” It doesn’t say whether the tiny fingers are those of Italians or Japanese.


Kids will absolutely go nuts for the marshmallow bazooka that “launches edible missiles up to 40 feet” and the Children’s Electric 1948 Indian Motorcycle that can probably launch a child up to 40 feet.


I think pet owners and people with big CD collections are SkyMall’s easiest targets. There are no less than 4 pages of massive CD storage devices (an IPOD would be cheaper). Attracting pet lovers are the Canine Geneolgy Kit that analyzes your dog’s DNA, the Indoor Dog Restroom with antimicrobial artificial turf and the new Pet Doorbell set.


It’s probably not fair to poke too much fun at SkyMall. It distracts millions of travelers who are afraid of flying. It also lets us dream of gadgets that would be fun to own even if they are impractical.
Did I mention that the Telekinetic Obstacle Course is on sale for $99.95?