Mourning The Component Stereo System

There was a time when a wall of stereo equipment was enough to impress most people. Names like Altec Lansing and Kenwood inspired envy among friends and one’s status could be measured by the weight of their speakers.

Times have changed of course. My wall of sound now consists of two small Bose desktop speakers and a woofer at my feet. Two heavy stereo speakers serve as sturdy end tables in my office and the component stereo system sleeps inside my television cabinet hoping cassettes will make a surprising comeback.

I have come to the sad realization that my stereo system is no longer valuable or impressive. In fact, it has almost no value at all. I cruised Craigslist and found several folks who were trying to unload their stereos for prices they probably would never see. My favorite listing stated “stackable JVC receiver with am/fm radio, Pioneer 6-cd changer, JVC dual cassette player and equalizer plus two large speakers – paid over $2000 eight years ago but will take a loss.”

My IPOD holds more music, sounds better with headphones and fits in my pocket for $300. I think he will be taking a big loss.

I came face to face with stereo reality last week at Best Buy. I wanted to replace a broken CD player for one of our elementary schools. First the salesman tried to sell me a home theater receiver. Then he pitched the new Blue-Ray players.

“I just want an inexpensive CD player to hook up to a stereo,” I explained. He looked at me blankly and I realized that the store no longer carries stereo components. Even the CD music had been moved to the back of the store and replaced by video games.

Strange as it may seem, they did have a turntable at the store but it was made to convert scratchy records into digital files.

The big speakers were meant to impress but it was the turntable that showed folks how serious a person was about music listening. A stacking turntable was considered low class. The showoff turntables were fully manual and heavy so they wouldn’t vibrate when your neighbor cranked up his mega-stereo. Cool turntables also had lights and gadgets that allowed the owner to carefully adjust the speed but very few people ever did.

My favorite stereo component was a graphic equalizer. It had lots of lights and announced to everyone that I was a very serious audiophile. A better description was probably audiodork but aren’t we always the last to see that?

If there is one thing I miss about my stereo system, it’s the pleasure of opening a new album and just listening to it while I read the liner notes. There would be listening parties in our college dorm rooms when someone bought a new album release. Now kids download the album and share it within 5 minutes.

Like an old set of golf clubs or that Yashica SLR in the closet, home stereos are too good to throw out but worthless to anyone else. That explains why garages have amazing sound systems. The stereo was headed for the trash but didn’t quite make it that far. Instead it provides a soundtrack for weekend projects in the workshop.

My favorite Craigslist posting summed it up very well – “amazing Kenwood stereo system, wife says it must be sold, will trade for tools.”

Searching For A Home On The Range

Shortly before we moved from Indiana to Texas, I bought a pair of cowboy boots. It just seemed like a good way to celebrate a new job and a big move to the Lone Star State.

Life in the suburbs hasn’t offered many opportunities to get my boots broken in. We took some dance lessons and I dusted them up at the animal barn a few times but I couldn’t convince a Texan that I had actually worked in those boots. Don’t get me started with the cowboy hat in my closet.
That’s why I have decided to start a cattle ranch. It’s time I did something Texan and what’s more Texan than being a cattle rancher?

I began with a website called ehow.com and an article appropriately titled “How To Start A Cattle Ranch.” Looking more like a recipe index, the page listed ten items I would need to start my ranch: lasso, chaps, ten gallon hat, cowboy boots, cattle, land, fencing, fence posts, a cattle brand and a horse.

I already had the boots and hat so it was time to search for land. Collin County acreage is out of my price range so I have chosen the 100 acre Bar S Ranch in Thalia, Texas just south of Vernon. I am confident that I can pay off the $180,000 after my first cattle drive.

Step two instructed me to purchase a herd of cattle at the auction. I needed just a bit more information so I paid a visit to Kenneth Bolin, the only person I know who owns cattle. His 42 acre farm borders Luther and Anna Mae Bolin Elementary School (named after his parents) and his cattle can often be seen grazing near the school property.

Mr. Bolin recommended I start with 30 cows and one bull. My idea to add a few more bulls to the herd would bring me nothing but trouble, he said. Speaking of trouble, he also suggested I stay away from horns as in longhorns. Black Angus is a good breed and won’t eat you off the land like some others, he offered. Herefords and Brahmas are also good breeds for this area.

Search for the cost of cattle online and you will need an A&M extension course to understand it. There are too many variables to explain so let’s say 30 heifers will cost me $500 each. From what I’ve read, don’t look for bargains when buying your bull. I found one for $1000 and the ad says he’s quite popular with the ladies.

Keeping them healthy and keeping them fed is the key to running a good cattle operation, according to Bolin. Unfortunately good weather and some good luck are also needed if you plan to make any money at ranching.

“You shouldn’t let the grass in any one pasture get below 4” so that it has enough size to capture moisture and grow back,” explained Bolin. “If we get a drought and the grass turns brown, you will need to supplement with hay.”

Hay is a big expense on a ranch. A load of hay to feed 30 head of cattle might cost $6000. There are cheaper options but cheap hay doesn’t lead to healthy animals. Hay prices also go up when availability is low.

It wasn’t the cost of hay that eventually scared me out of my cattle ranching dream – it was the medical discussion. Aside from being experts on the calf birthing process, cattle ranchers need to spot behavior that might signal serious problems like bloat. There are over 100 different cattle diseases listed at cattlesite.com and some don’t sound real pretty.

I guess I’ll have to wait a little longer to break in those boots although there was a sheep ranch for sale in Quanah that looked like a real bargain.

A Horse Is a Horse Of Course Of Course

The boom in DVD reissues of old television series has brought renewed attention to many classic shows. I can hardly walk by the long row of DVD sets at Sams Club without being tempted by Season 4 of Bewitched or The Complete F-Troop box set.

The price is usually enough to scare me away but I did recently rent the first season of Leave It To Beaver online. Thirty-nine shows in glorious black and white arrived at my door and I popped disc one onto the TV screen. The whimsical theme music came on and there was Hugh Beaumont, Barbara Billingsley, Tony Dow and of course Jerry Mathers – “the Beav.”

I don’t know whether I was more intimidated by the remaining 35 episodes or disappointed by my family’s lack of enthusiasm for nostalgia. Regardless, I stopped watching after the 4th show and dropped Beaver and Lumpy and Eddie back in the mailbox.

Nostalgia is funny like that. You taste it and you want it, but after a good dose of it, you’ve had your fill. In Beaver’s case, I had heard that great opening on a TV theme song collection and it reminded me how much I enjoyed the show as a kid. I could have stopped there.

TV theme songs are a unique piece of our classic television history. Even casual viewers of old time television could sing the opening to Mr. Ed and only four musical notes are needed to make you snap your fingers to The Addams Family theme.

I hated the show but I knew how they became The Brady Bunch. I still remember the story of the “poor mountaineer who barely kept his family fed,” and I know why Oliver Wendell Douglas chose Hooterville over New York City. It was because the shows had great theme songs.

Run down the list of most popular classic TV shows and I would guess you could sing almost every one of the theme songs. Go ahead and try to sing the openers to The Patty Duke Show or Petticoat Junction or Superman. How about singing the themes to some classic cartoons like The Flinstones or The Jetsons or Yogi Bear? I once translated and recited the theme to George of the Jungle in Latin for a high school project but only my teacher and Rocco Malanga, the really smart kid, got the joke.

The best classic theme songs, in my opinion, have no words. Who needs words to Bonanza or My Three Sons or Andy Griffith? I rarely stayed up to watch them as a child but the Alfred Hitchcock, Perry Mason and Tonight Show themes were as much a part of my bedtime routine as bubble baths.

There is another category of theme songs that includes great songs and mediocre (maybe lousy) shows. My Mother The Car and Flipper could head that category but you may have your own nominees.

Choosing one classic TV theme song that ranks above all the others is challenging but not impossible. My vote for the most recognizable song would be the theme to Gilligan’s Island. My choice for a tune that best fits the TV series would be Bonanza. The most annoying theme would be Woody Woodpecker and the most forgotten theme would be Car 54 Where Are You? The most fun award goes to The Addams Family and the corniest award goes to Batman.

My top award goes to a song called “You’re My Greatest Love,” composed by bandleader Jackie Gleason. It is better known to us as the theme from The Honeymooners.

As the summer drags on and reruns rule the network channels, flip over to TVLand and enjoy some of these classic TV gems. Just don’t let your kids catch you singing the theme to Superchicken.

Dad's College Advice

Pregnancy ranks first but I would guess that heading off to college is number two for unsolicited advice. There are books, magazines, websites, blogs and videos all devoted to helping college freshman adjust.

As I mentioned last week, my son shipped off to college on August 21. He got his share of advice as the day drew near but I still worried that I had not completely prepared him for college life.
Did I remind him about not leaving 8-tracks on the dashboard? Would he remember to use the bottle of Hai Karate each morning? You can imagine my stress.

My solution was to offer college advice that worked for me and certainly would help him at Texas Tech this fall. As a public service to other college freshman and their parents, I am reprinting the list below. I hope it helps.

1. You will be sharing a phone with at least three others so be sure to write down all of your calls.
2. Always reverse the charges when calling your parents.
3. Call your girlfriend after 11 p.m. on Sunday nights for the best rate.
4. Avoid embarrassment by turning all of your Carpenters and Abba records backwards so your friends don’t spot them.
5. Leave James Taylor and Cat Stevens records around your dorm room when girls visit. They like sensitive stuff like that.
6. Playing Dark Side of the Moon at 45 rpm will pick up any dorm party.
7. Milk crates make excellent record racks and coffee tables.
8. Make sure your bell bottoms are properly frayed before leaving for college. Cigarette ashes rubbed into the legs also give them a weathered look.
9. Bring extra batteries for your transistor radio.
10. Aluminum foil balls on the rabbit ears will expand your television reception.
11. Never buy a used Chevy Vega – even if it looks like a really good deal.
12. The aluminum block of a Chevy Vega engine can be used to expand your television reception once it cracks.
13. It is better to weigh down your turntable arm with dimes instead of quarters to get a clearer sound.
14. Never stack more than three albums or they will start to slide.
15. Electrical tape is expensive. Masking tape makes a good substitute on stereo cables.
16. Use the Herbal Essence Shampoo I gave you – girls dig it.
17. Leave the galoshes home. Bring Totes instead.
18. Pumas…not Adidas
19. Keep your pea coat dry – it smells when it gets wet
20. When attending campus demonstrations, carry a dime to make a phone call if you get arrested.
21. You might rethink the Nixon/Agnew sticker on your bumper.
22. Platform shoes are for high school proms, not college. Leave them home. Earth shoes are a much more practical solution.
23. A summer job paying $1.75 an hour should be enough to pay for two semesters of college.
24. Make sure you gas up on your odd or even day before driving back to college. Arrive early at the gas station to avoid long lines.
25. Beer cans make lousy decorations no matter what your friends say.
26. Never refer to a policeman as a pig at a traffic stop. They prefer the term fuzz.
27. Remember – there is more to life than Pong. Don’t let the video game disrupt your studies.

We Miss You Burnt Umber

I rolled through Target last week and got caught in the school supply traffic jam. I was actually searching for a garden item but of course summer ended in a retail sense two months ago.
Two cute girls were pleading for the Hannah Montana backpacks while mom checked off the familiar school supply list items. There was excitement, stress and near panic as parents and kids negotiated the needs and wants of back to school shopping.

I don’t recall school supply shopping being such an event when I was a little rascal but I sure remember new school supplies.

The big ticket item for me was always the book bag. The name has long been replaced by backpack but there was a time when students looked as though they were heading to a bowling alley instead of a mountain hike. Little kids carried handled vinyl bags with Fred Flintstone or Barbie while high school bag were two-tone with the school logo and colors on the side.

Maybe what made school supplies so exciting was how good they looked compared to last year’s supplies. Erasers and glue were not attractive by the end of school. We had used or eaten most of the non-toxic paste and the Elmer’s Glue was permanently sealed at the nozzle. Stick erasers were either broken in half or covered with a slick coating of dirt and grease from the bottom of the book bag.

The yellow #2 Ticonderga pencil and clear Bic pens were standard issue on the 1960’s supply list. Marble composition notebooks, stacks of 3-ring binder paper and theme tablets also topped the list.

One special pen that we all received in grammar school supposedly taught us “The Palmer Method” of handwriting. The long slender pen was also perfect for gnawing on as we practiced rounding out our cursive letters. I am sure that my handwriting would be more graceful if I hadn’t chewed my pens down to the refill each year.

The king of all school supplies was the new box of Crayola Crayons. Whether it was a set of eight or 64 (sharpener included), the yellow and green box of perfectly formed crayons meant school was about to start. By the school year’s end, they were banished to the teacher’s crayon bucket of lost (crayon) souls.

Many school supply items have changed through the years but a crayon is still a crayon. No matter what color they are, crayons have a distinctive feel and smell that can instantly transport adults back to their childhood.

According to Crayola’s official history, Edwin Binney and Harold Smith invented crayons in 1903. The line was expanded from 8 to 48 colors in the 1940’s and again to 64 colors in 1958. Along the way colors such as Prussian Blue, Indian Red and Flesh were dropped. Others like Orange-Red, Blue-Grey and Burnt Umber were “retired” and added to the Crayola Hall of Fame – seriously.
There is a sense of optimism and hope when you crack open those school supplies in August. You might sharpen your favorite pencil and imagine the blank notebook page as a metaphor for the new school year. Then again maybe it’s just writer’s block.

Either way, have a great school year kids and remember - don’t chew your pens.

First Class Gold Class Cinema

My old boss Dean Speicher once said that everyone can afford to go first class…it’s just that not everyone can stay as long.

He was referring to the limo he had hired for the evening but he could have been talking about the new Gold Class Cinema in Fairview.

Whether you call it first-class or just over the top, no one is arguing that the Gold Class Cinema is very different than other movie theaters.

Located in The Village at Fairview on Stacy Road, Gold Class Cinema offers eight small theaters that seat either 40, 32 or 24 seats each. The seats, which are arranged in small groupings, are comfortable recliners that raise or lower with the touch of a button. A tray rests between the seats with a dimly lit call button that summons a waiter.

This is where Gold Class kicks into high gear. An on-site chef will prepare a wide array of meals or snacks for you and your date while you choose from 80 different wines and a full range of cocktails.
Gold Class spared no expense providing a comfortable lounge experience outside the theater. All seats are reserved in advance so movie goers are invited to relax in the lounge as they wait for their movie.

“We’re all about the escapism of watching movies,” says Mark Mulcahy, vice president of marketing. “We want to provide the ultimate movie-going experience for movie lovers.”

That experience, according to Mulcahy, includes removing the stress of going to the movies. “I’ve rushed a dinner and skipped dessert more than once trying to get a good seat in the theater. Reserved seating takes that anxiety out of the equation.”

There is a price for luxury. Movies run $25 per person on weekends after 12 pm and $25 all the time for non-members although members only pay $20 on weekdays and weekend mornings. Membership is free and painless so there is no reason to pay the higher rate.

At this point you are probably asking why anyone would pay so much for the same movie that costs $9 down the road. Think about two local golf courses. The same game of golf can be played on a crowded municipal course for $35 or a spacious premium course for $65. One cost less but at the end of the day the other experience is much more relaxing.

The concept came to the U.S. from Australia and Europe, added Mulcahy. There, a cinema might have 10 regular theaters and two VIP or “Gold Class” theaters. When the first Gold Class opened in Los Angeles, a decision was made to build stand alone premium theaters.”
Today, the chain operates six theaters in the U.S. including Los Angeles and suburban Seattle, Chicago, Austin and Dallas (Fairview).

If you are still scratching your head about how Gold Class can be successful, consider the numbers. Since opening on May 7, the Fairview location alone has attracted 20,000 members and is adding about 4,000 more per month.

Gold Class is feeding that buzz with special promotions that tie into the movies. Viewers attending the new movie “Eat, Pray, Love” for example, can experience a taste of all three countries and cuisines featured in the movie. The theaters are also available for private events and parties (think Super Bowl).

Still not convinced?

“It’s something you have to experience before you can appreciate it,” adds Mulcahy. “People need to escape at times and we certainly offer that opportunity.”

What Gold Class does - for a price – is enhance the entire movie going experience. The sound is better, the chairs are bigger and the service is classier. Did I mention that they offer blankets and pillows?

Postcards From Scout Camp

Dear Mom- Having some fun but plenty of rain. The dock is under 2” of water. Made beginner swimmer because I couldn’t do side stroke. We are going on a campout Wednesday under the stars. I am going for athletics, first aid, leatherwork, camping, hiking and pioneering. See you soon. – Tim

That pretty much summed up my week at Camp Tamarack in July 1968. It wasn’t exactly “Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah” but I am sure that the postcard from scout camp was appreciated.

As I recall, we were required to each write a postcard home on the second day of camp so that our anxious parents would get some communication before we arrived home on Sunday. Barring any medical emergencies or bear sightings, there wasn’t much to report on day number two.

For those readers unfamiliar with Boy Scout camp, the week followed a very predictable schedule. Parents and kids would haul their “stuff” down the road from the parking lot and into the campground. Open air campaign tents were neatly lined up on wooden platforms with the sides and doors rolled tightly. Before unpacking, our troop of scouts quickly changed into bathing suits and headed to the waterfront for the dreaded swimming test. Actually, only lousy swimmers like myself dreaded the swimming test. The beginner tag I earned disqualified me from most waterfront activities except rowboats which were lame by any standard.

The only thing I dreaded more than the swim test was the lake itself. The mountain lake was about 65 degrees and a murky brown color. The lake bottom was a combination of muck and weeds which worked well for the small fish but not for small fry Boy Scouts. The greatest motivation I had for passing the swim test was not letting my feet touch the lake bottom.

Because many parents lingered past dinner, our Sunday meal was usually something special like turkey. This also set the stage for turkey soup, turkey sandwiches and turkey casserole later in the week.

Campfires have always been a big part of the scout experience and camp always started and ended with a big one. The teenage counselors would build a fire that could be spotted from outer space while the campers doused themselves with insect repellent. The aroma of Off repellent and kerosene filled the air as we sang silly songs about the Titanic and meatballs.

Back at the campsite, adult leaders forced, yes forced, the scouts into the bathhouse where they were required to wash up and brush their teeth. It was probably part of some promise they made to our parents. We then carefully tied down the tent flaps which made no difference to the mosquitoes but did create a line of defense against skunks and raccoons.

Waking up at sunrise was never much of a problem early in the week. Mysterious noises from the woods and tall tales from the older scouts ensured that we would not sleep at all until later in the week when we were too tired to care.

Following a hearty breakfast of oatmeal and cold cereal we set off to attend merit badge classes. That explains the postcard’s reference to “going for athletics, first aid, etc.”

The first day’s merit badge classes were broken up with lunch and swimming lessons. Just before dinner that second night, I wrote the above mentioned postcard.

Despite the brown water, mosquitoes and sleep deprivation, I was having a great time at Camp Tamarack. It was just hard to convey that in a postcard. If only I could have texted home to say: OMG – passed swimming but cold water – LOL – CUL8R.