Looking For A Few Good (Plastic) Men

The correct term for them is army men or plastic soldiers. To call them toy soldiers or miniatures would simply be an insult.

I am referring to those green plastic soldiers that came in bags at the five and dime store or play sets from cheesy discount stores like Korvettes or Gibsons.

These little 2” guys were actually the perfect toy for boys growing up in the 50’s and 60’s. They were cheap, had no collectible value and were almost indestructible. In fact, the most casualties my troops ever suffered did not come at the hands of the feared German Panzers. They came from my friend Gary’s feared German shepherd named Duke. He showed no preference as he happily gnawed on German and American soldiers alike.

According to the Army Man Homepage at http://www.armymenhomepage.com/, miniature soldiers have been around for hundreds of years but cheap plastic manufacturing in the 1950’s allowed them to be mass produced. Now instead of collecting soldiers, you could purchase the whole army for about $5 or less. They were most often sold in themed playsets with the most realistic action figures coming from Marx Toys.

In the days before video games, this is how we spent our afternoons and weekends. Battles were fought outside in the sand or across the basement. Snipers fired down from the Matchbox Car garage while German soldiers occupied Mr. Kelly’s Car Wash.

There were no rules or instructions. We would just spend an hour arranging the good guys and bad guys in battle formation and then we’d make gun and explosion sounds till the bad guys were dead. We occasionally introduced electric trains into the mix or motorized cars but they weren’t necessary.

It may have been 1965 but World War II was not far behind. Most of our parents had a connection to WWII and playing army always meant re-enacting the Battle of the Bulge or Midway. The Americans always fought the Nazis or Japs because those were the images we saw through our childhood through movies, books and even family photos.

Because the plastic enemy was far outnumbered by American GI’s, we frequently padded their ranks with cowboys, indians, and the Roman soldiers we found in the bottom of toy boxes.
My friend John Borowski also collected monster action figures so Frankenstein and Wolfman frequently fought alongside the Germans. Even G.I. Joe could join in the action as some sort of super-sized soldier. It all seemed logical at the time.

Of all the childhood toys that avoided dogs and house cleaning moms, army men had the best chance of survival. They were easy to store and the weapons never got lost. My inspiration for this column came from a box of them that just resurfaced after an eight-year nap.

The army men home page offers four ways to destroy the little green soldiers: fire, firecrackers, freezing and dogs. They failed to mention darts. As we grew older we gained more pleasure in destroying toys than playing with them. Many of my army guys met their match through a game that involved real darts being launched across the room at helpless formations. Even the Roman soldiers weren’t safe.

So here I am with a tin box of World War II plastic soldiers. I can’t possibly throw them out but I don’t have any battles for them to fight this week. I guess it’s back in the box for you guys. I’ll see you in a few years.