Dad's College Advice

Pregnancy ranks first but I would guess that heading off to college is number two for unsolicited advice. There are books, magazines, websites, blogs and videos all devoted to helping college freshman adjust.

As I mentioned last week, my son shipped off to college on August 21. He got his share of advice as the day drew near but I still worried that I had not completely prepared him for college life.
Did I remind him about not leaving 8-tracks on the dashboard? Would he remember to use the bottle of Hai Karate each morning? You can imagine my stress.

My solution was to offer college advice that worked for me and certainly would help him at Texas Tech this fall. As a public service to other college freshman and their parents, I am reprinting the list below. I hope it helps.

1. You will be sharing a phone with at least three others so be sure to write down all of your calls.
2. Always reverse the charges when calling your parents.
3. Call your girlfriend after 11 p.m. on Sunday nights for the best rate.
4. Avoid embarrassment by turning all of your Carpenters and Abba records backwards so your friends don’t spot them.
5. Leave James Taylor and Cat Stevens records around your dorm room when girls visit. They like sensitive stuff like that.
6. Playing Dark Side of the Moon at 45 rpm will pick up any dorm party.
7. Milk crates make excellent record racks and coffee tables.
8. Make sure your bell bottoms are properly frayed before leaving for college. Cigarette ashes rubbed into the legs also give them a weathered look.
9. Bring extra batteries for your transistor radio.
10. Aluminum foil balls on the rabbit ears will expand your television reception.
11. Never buy a used Chevy Vega – even if it looks like a really good deal.
12. The aluminum block of a Chevy Vega engine can be used to expand your television reception once it cracks.
13. It is better to weigh down your turntable arm with dimes instead of quarters to get a clearer sound.
14. Never stack more than three albums or they will start to slide.
15. Electrical tape is expensive. Masking tape makes a good substitute on stereo cables.
16. Use the Herbal Essence Shampoo I gave you – girls dig it.
17. Leave the galoshes home. Bring Totes instead.
18. Pumas…not Adidas
19. Keep your pea coat dry – it smells when it gets wet
20. When attending campus demonstrations, carry a dime to make a phone call if you get arrested.
21. You might rethink the Nixon/Agnew sticker on your bumper.
22. Platform shoes are for high school proms, not college. Leave them home. Earth shoes are a much more practical solution.
23. A summer job paying $1.75 an hour should be enough to pay for two semesters of college.
24. Make sure you gas up on your odd or even day before driving back to college. Arrive early at the gas station to avoid long lines.
25. Beer cans make lousy decorations no matter what your friends say.
26. Never refer to a policeman as a pig at a traffic stop. They prefer the term fuzz.
27. Remember – there is more to life than Pong. Don’t let the video game disrupt your studies.