Learning To Let Go

 

I once had an education professor ask how many students could juggle three balls. No one raised their hand.  “Good,” he said. “I want everyone to teach themselves how to juggle within the next two weeks and you will then be graded on how well you juggle in front of the class.

There were no further instructions… just teach yourself to juggle.  It was not an easy assignment and the thought of flubbing the task in front of a class just added to the pressure.  The outcome was predictable as only a few students did something that resembled juggling. 

The purpose of the lesson was to demonstrate how hard it can be to learn a skill without proper instruction and practice. Then add the pressure of a grade and performing in front of others and failure becomes an option. As we were learning to become teachers, the point was to show that something we take for granted, like reading, can be as intimidating to a child as juggling was to us. 

Years later, I found myself remembering that lesson as I tried to teach my son how to ride a two wheel bicycle. I popped off the training wheels and started guiding him and the bicycle across the parking lot at a slow running pace.  I let go and he fell.  We turned around and ran back the other way.  I let go and he fell.

I remember nothing about learning to ride a bicycle myself except my father running up and down the city street alongside me. There was no instruction book or worksheet; just pedal, try not to fall over and aim straight down the middle.  That last goal was important as the street was lined with cars (and many of those still had fins in the early sixties).

My first teaching attempts involved pushing my son across a parking lot and letting go as he ran off into the grass and eventually crashed.  After several more crashes, he wisely pointed out that “this isn’t working dad and it’s not much fun.”

Thanks to the Internet, parents can now access advice and even videos on teaching their children to ride a bike.  One advice column warns parents against a strategy that I found very effective.

If you use the hold-the-back-of-the-seat or run-beside-the-bike method, don't trick your child by claiming you're holding on when you are not.  If the child crashes, you erode trust, which erodes confidence. 

On our next outing I reversed the process and pushed him down a grass hill onto the pavement. It was an improvement as long as I could keep up with the bicycle and catch him when it slowed down.  Then, it happened.  He was too anxious to look back and I was too tired to keep up so I just let go without telling him.  He crossed the playground, made a shaky turn and rode back to the cheers of his parents.

There are classes to teach your child how to hit a baseball, play piano and even drive a car but parents are still on their own for bicycle lessons.  At least that’s what I thought until I came across an article about Pedalheads.  The Vancouver (BC) company promises to teach a child to ride a bike within 5 days and parents are off the hook for the bumps and bruises. I’m sure they have a good system and I imagine parents won’t risk eroding their child’s trust. 

For me though, nothing can replace sharing the excitement of that first hands free ride with my son.