Penny Candy Obsession

I love candy and have the cavities to prove it. Medical journal articles could be written about the size of my sweet tooth but let’s just say the evidence is clear enough.

My dentist was probably onto something when he started rewarding his young patients with Trident Sugarless Gum instead of candy. It was a losing battle though, because candy was everywhere and it was cheap.

Every classroom teacher in my parochial school sold candy at recess. Watermelon slices, coconut bars and fireballs would hardly qualify by today’s food of minimum nutritional restrictions for schools. We were actually doing God’s work by consuming an extra candy bar or two becaue the “profits” went to the missions.

Jackie Granger and I strayed from God’s work one day in fourth grade when found boxes of candy stored in the coat closet and helped ourselves. In retrospect, leaving the wrappers in the closet instead of my desk would have been a better strategy.

Some mission is South America was a little short that month. The yardstick we were whacked with was probably an inch shorter as well.

We rarely had candy in the house except for holidays. Boxes of incredible chocolate from Holstein’s (site of the final Soprano’s episode) would be set aside by my mother “for company.” It was painful to smell the homemade candy and not devour it. Once the relatives arrived and dessert came around, I stayed through the boring adult conversation just to score a few extra pieces.

Once the holiday was over, the extra candy wouldn’t last a day, even when my mother hid it in the linen drawer. My father used a different approach to protecting his sweets. He just bought licorice treats, especially the black licorice assortments that kids ate in desperation when the chocolate was gone.

Halloween was a gold mine. Our haul was no less than two grocery bags (paper of course) full of candy including stacks of Nestles, Hersheys and Snicker’s bars. Once the good stuff was gone, we picked at the leftover stash of Good and Plenty, Chuckles, Dots, and Neco Wafers that had a shelf life of several years.

Once we were old enough to walk to the newsstand alone, we squandered our allowance on candy that would make a dentist cringe. Charleston Chews, Sugar Daddy’s and Jaw Breakers were popular choices but my favorite was Bonomo’s Turkish Taffy. The candy was so hard and chewy that kids smashed them on the sidewalk before eating them.

An old fashioned country store called Rowe-Manse Emporium in nearby Clifton was the motherlode for young candy lovers. They sold penny candy out of glass jars for a penny! For one dollar we could fill a small paper bag with candy that could last all afternoon – or less. Walking home from Rowe-Manse, I once consumed fifty malt balls on a dare from the previously mentioned criminal, John Granger.

Like them or not, some candies just had more sizzle than others. Atomic Fireballs, Pop Rocks, Lemonheads and extremely sour Warheads all provided entertainment and oral torture for youngsters.

The Flipside - February 2007