Sixth Grade Research Saves Lives

Life is full of questions. When we were young, our parents and teachers seemed to have all the answers. As we grew older we relied more on the limited knowledge of our friends which was where things start going wrong. After all, there were questions that we would never ask an adult but our friends were always willing to offer an opinion.

“I wonder if this will burn” would be one of those questions. It might make a great segment for the David Letterman Show but no good can come from two eleven year-old boys discovering the answer.

Fully aware of the “don’t play with matches” campaign from Fire Safety Month, Billy Garrabrandt and I tested the combustibility of an old canvas chair – in my garage. Much to our delight and then horror, the old dried out chair flared up almost instantly.

Our immediate reaction was to find something to put the fire out in the unattached garage. There was no water and racing into the yard to run a hose into the garage would likely cause alarm from my mother. Our solution was to smother the fire with a fifty pound bag of dry cement that we found in the corner. Cement powder was everywhere but the real threat of burning down our garage was abated.

For the first time ever, we voluntarily cleaned up the garage and carefully trimmed the burnt seat of the chair hoping the grownups wouldn’t notice. We then threw the chair out with all the garbage from our cleaning frenzy. It was one of the few times that we didn’t get caught doing something stupid but I did admit the whole incident to my mother thirty years later.

Scientific discovery was at the heart of many theories that Billy Garrabrandt and I attempted to prove. We tested Newton’s theories of gravity by tossing objects out of our third floor window. Seeking an answer to the age old question “what will happen if I throw this out of the window?” we dropped airplane models, army men and even food out of my attic window.
Years later we reversed the process to answer the question “what can we sneak into the attic?” but that’s a story for another column.

“Do you think it will explode?” was the most dangerous but also the most entertaining question that Billy and I struggled with. Chemistry sets were still the rage and enterprising youngsters could purchase refills of ingredients at the local hobby store. We pooled our meager resources and bought sulphur, charcoal and potassium nitrate to play with. With absolutely no thought of the danger involved, we made gunpowder and stuffed it into objects that we detonated. I don’t believe we ever created an explosion but running at full speed away from a lit fuse was better than any amusement park ride.

There were so many unanswered questions that Billy and I struggled to answer. Each of them would have made an excellent sixth grade science project.

“I wonder if this will make him throw up?” “What will happen if the dog drinks beer?” “How long will it take my two year-old nephew to learn a swear word?” “How far will car model parts travel when exploded with a cherry bomb?” “If a bus is passing by at 35 mph, what trajectory is needed to reach it with a snowball and still leave enough time to run away?”

There were no marble lab books, but Billy and I solved these and many other puzzling questions of childhood. I am not sure if humanity is better for it but it sure was fun.

The Flipside Column - November 2007